he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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