I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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