Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
