and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
