No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize