you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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