Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
