I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Everyone says I win the strip club
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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