The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
