Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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