Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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