in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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