Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
All I want is dick and wine.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
