I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
