Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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