if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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