Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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