I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
