The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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