i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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