I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
