I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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