DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize