I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
