I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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