and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
