So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
