i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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