did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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