We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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