Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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