they're like a gay fantastic four
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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