is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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