Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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