decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
