I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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