the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
