its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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