so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
