I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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