let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Randomize
