Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
