Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
