You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
