I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
