He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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