Pants 0. Shit 1.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
