just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think my moral compass just broke
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