mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
