out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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