I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
