i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize