why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
either way he was missing a nipple.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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