I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
