When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
