He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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