Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
