If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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