god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
