It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
