Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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