No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize