it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
