youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
