I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
