she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm going to jail i love you
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
