She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
